Friday, 23rd November 2007
The 'Offside rule'
Sunday, the day God created last and proclaimed as a day of rest! The day that ironically turns out to be a nightmare for the grandmother who hosts her ever growing family for lunch, the day athletes in spandex run their marathons, the day we nurse our hangovers and disappoint our grandmas by not turning up for lunch, (see line 2!) the day our husbands/boyfriends con us into spending an afternoon dedicated to 'us' whilst zapping through football channels.
So, you try to look interested. You ask about the gear colours and how teams are selected for the 'Champions League' and till then you're doing pretty well, keeping your other half's attention. But you really get their attention when you ask about the 'Offside rule'. Now it's common knowledge that the 'Offside rule' is one of the most needlessly complex rules in the history of football, well, at least to me it is. It's a bit like trying to explain the toilet seat rule to a man, get my drift?
Why do men enjoy explaining the rule to you then? This is obviously my view of the matter so you're free to disagree, but this is how I see it:
(1) They love the fact that it's only them who can explain such a complex rule to you.
(2) They also enjoy the fact that it's something they know, but that you might never grasp the knowledge of.
(3) If and only IF they succeed in teaching the rule to you, they feel like they are very good 'teachers' and that their wife/girlfriend is now on a whole new educational level.
So did I ever learn the 'Offside rule' you ask? No I didn't and frankly I'm not really bothered, because that number 7 from Manchester United distracted me the whole time my better half was explaining that oh so useless rule to me. 'Shall we get a takeaway?' I ask. 'You can explain that offside rule again. I'll concentrate better on a full stomach! (whilst watching that muscle of a man run around the pitch!)'
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